areolas are like halos for boobs.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
