I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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