Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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