Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
