he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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