ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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