I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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