Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
