i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
