this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
