you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
