He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
