she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize