I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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