my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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