turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
