the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
