brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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