I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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