You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
