Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
