Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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