At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My feet surprised me
Randomize
