its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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