i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
not ubering you a puppy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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