I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
