i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
