Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
