His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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