I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
