I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
