Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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