No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
