Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
