the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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