woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
