then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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