I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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