HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
