And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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