tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
