I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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