I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
