I'm jealous of your bromance
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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