Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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