It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize