the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
