Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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