NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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