My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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