Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
