I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
