Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
