we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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