If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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