idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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