If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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