I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
