i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
