I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
