Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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