i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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