i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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