my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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