You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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