Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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