I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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