Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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